If you've ever done programming before, you should know what a function is. If not, I suggest picking up a good programming book (or e-book).
In Python, function syntax looks like this:
def function_name(myvar1, myvar2):
'def' is used to declare that this is a function, and 'function_name' is obviously the name of your function.
'myvar1' and 'myvar2' are variables coming into your function. For most of your functions, the only variable being passed will be 'text'.
In Python, curly braces ({}) are not used to declare the beginning and end of a function. Instead, a colon (:) is used to declare the beginning of a function. After that, indentation is used to declare the body and end of a function.
For a function to be registered as a Quirk Function, it must conform to three simple rules:
1. It must have a command name.
2. It must take exactly one arguement.
3. It must return a string.
What is meant by having a command name, is that a name for the Quirk Function has to be defined. This is done by defining the 'command' variable for a function.